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Anna

Ege Gorgun

I am currently living two lives. Two lives, when I walk down the streets. One of them is something that you might perceive, yet the other is all inside my head. And yeah, I am aware of all the things you might add to that. It seems absurd. It seems…almost unhealthy. Yet here we are—you and me. 

When I am walking those dark paths again through the breaking of the night, through the crowdy clouds of young people talking all around the bars, I hear your voice. I talk in your voice. And presumably, you hear mine too, inside your head. Oh, no you can’t. Of course, you can’t. How could you? You are not real. I keep forgetting that. That you only exist in my mind. Yet somehow you are there. I walk with you through the cycles of time, till you plan to break it all, until you eventually get killed. Then in my mind, I speak with your voice again. I say your last words. We cry. We go back to your home town, we bury you and no further questions are asked. 

After that, only Anna and I are left. And now that you are gone, she knows what to do. Together we walk the dark alleys of my new home. Together we dine, we listen to music. Oh yes, music makes us real, music revives us, music drives us. Now she truly understands it all. She is deeply moved by your death, yet she tells me, that now she finds the strength. She takes me to the theatre. There she dances every week, as you might know. She is quite a good dancer. This time though, her moves are telling me a different story. And this time we are not all alone. The theatre place is completely full. At the end, everyone stands up and applauds. Especially for Anna, of course. She deserves it. The audience is proud of her. Because they know. They know she has figured it all out. They know she is determined to end things. And yes, she will end it all. All of the suffering. All of happiness too. That is sad of course, that the end of all suffering means an end to all happiness too, yet Anna has learned a lot from her little brother. Anna knows the ways of the one who can bend paths. Anna knows that this is the only way. Anna believes in her brother and everything he has told her. Even in his last words. 

Then after the play, Anna takes my hand and leads me back home. I am blindfolded, yet I trust her steps. I know she will bring me back home.  Then we change clothes, we change our roles. And I become her Truthseeker. I listen to her voice now and then. I hum her words. She becomes a deity in my mind. How did I never notice? How did she never know? She was a god all along.

After that, it is only Anna left. She is all alone, and she is also our only hope. And hope is the one thing we shall never lose. 

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